


Five Things Gwen Learned About Blake That She Didn't Know

by AnotherDayInHistory



Category: The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: Emotional, F/M, Fluff, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-18 18:27:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5938528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherDayInHistory/pseuds/AnotherDayInHistory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five things Gwen learned about Blake that she didn't know before she got to know him. A series of loosely connected one shots not always in sequential order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blake Cries Easily

**Author's Note:**

> Intended to be a short snippet; whoopsies. I really feel they had lots of chemistry in Season 7 (even though they probably didn’t do anything about it) and this is my attempt to explore it a little. If you want to absolutely sob and totally fall in love with Blake, go watch this video. Seriously, he cries and it tugs at your heartstrings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGABJorRJ50 (even though the audience really ticks me off because they won’t shut up).

Needless to say, she’s used to men who don’t readily express emotion. Tony had been serious and philanthropy oriented, and where she loved his kindness it didn’t make for very lighthearted or emotional conversation. Tony saw her as a partner in crime and a co-rebel against the system, and while she liked it for awhile she eventually realized that she didn’t want to be fighting a system all of her life that was never going to change (he was still fighting, from his social justice causes and his vegan lifestyle, and she admired him, but it wasn’t for her). Gavin had been totally different. He was British, and she eventually learned that he naturally didn’t express emotion very easily (hell, she’d wanted to write their own vows at their wedding but he had resisted, saying that he didn’t have a way with words and that he wasn’t good at all of that “emotional shit”). He’d kiss her, sure, and hold her hand (sometimes) and sometimes indulge her and watch Sound of Music or Singing in the Rain or Ginger Rogers & Fred Astaire movies, but they usually made him uncomfortable with the amount of emotion that was expressed in them. By age 44, after years of holding back her emotions when out with Gavin or saving them for anger-filled anti-system rants with Tony she came to the conclusion that men didn’t express emotion in the same way women did; it was just their way. Whereas she’d cry easily at a song that touched her or a sad moment in a movie or anytime she was emotionally overwhelmed, men just didn’t do that. And that was okay, sort of. And if sometimes she wished that someone could feel as connected to a song as she did to cry a few tears as they felt that tingle down their spine; then that was no big deal and people wished for a lot of things that didn’t come true.

 

When she first met Blake at the Season 7 photoshoot, she assumed he was like all the other guys. Sure, he was super nice to her kids and made them giggle within five minutes of meeting them (what he didn’t know is that the way he’d held Apollo and rubbed his cheek had made her heart skip a few beats at the sheer expression of happiness on his face; he’d gotten in her good graces forever with that one even though he didn’t know it). Sure, he was a jokester and he laughed easily (he had a beautiful laugh, all booming and one that transformed his whole face; she loved how he clapped his hands and leaned his head back), but she never saw him as _emotional per se._ He was silly and goofy and happy, and that was it. 

 

Those feelings about him lasted until the Knockouts of Season 7. Gwen and her contestant had picked out a great ‘80s ballad, but with her Sara McLachlan style voice they’d arranged it to be softer and somewhat mournful, almost like a tragic lullaby. They’d practiced it in rehearsals, and Gwen had been blown away and oh-so-excited to see it performed. When the time for the taping had come, she’d been practically bouncing in her seat like a Pomeranian puppy in excitement. Blake had laughed at her and teased her, and she’d blushed and jibed back, grinning at him with that huge grin he seemed to inspire in her. She’d felt his eyes on her all night, and she figured it was probably just how she was acting. Then, it had come time for the song. Her contestant had sang her absolute heart out, and even as many times as Gwen had heard it she’d been floored. She’d felt those familiar goosebumps up her arms and that tingle that ran from the bottom of her spine to the top, and she’d felt her eyes fill. There was something about the arrangement that was so sad, like things weren’t okay and they never would be. She leaned forward on her seat even as a couple of tears rolled down her face, and she’d barely blinked during the whole three minutes of the song, focused so closely on her singer. 

 

At the end of the song, it was all she could do to breathe shallowly, shaking herself out of the daze the song had put her in to wipe her eyes. She’d made a joke of her emotions to the audience and had praised the singer effusively, but it was when they’d gotten to Blake that she’d been shocked. Because he was wiping tears from his eyes too (albeit in a different way because he didn’t have to worry about the eye makeup like she did and so he was pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes like he could pull the tears out with his hands) and his body trembled. He’d said something oddly brief about the song (especially odd given how affected her was by it, or so it seemed) and then had called for cut in a rough but pleading voice, standing up before the Stage Manager finished the sentence and walking quickly backstage. Gwen met Adam and Pharell’s concerned looks, and Adam had stood up, starting to follow him (because Blake and Adam were close like brothers; Gwen knew that), but something had told Gwen to stop him, because this was her song choice that had done this and it was her job to get to the bottom of it. She’d stood up a millisecond after Adam did and had rushed after him and put a hand on his arm, telling him that she’d go after him and giving him a pleading look when he’d eyed her skeptically. He’d eventually relented though, and she’d rushed after Blake, coming across his back just as he closed his trailer door behind him. She’d bitten her lip and knocked hesitantly, and after a second knock she’d heard a resigned, “Come in Adam,” in a low, hoarse tone.

 

As she opened the door, she’d stuck just her head in and said softly, “not Adam,” before closing it behind her. He’d stood up when she’d come in and was pressing those heels of his hands to his eyes to keep more tears at bay (and my God what had gotten him this upset because it had to be more than just a song). He’d tried to smile at her with his familiar dimpled grin, but it had been a poor imitation and he’d given it up after she’d tilted her head at him as he flopped back down on his gigantic couch, leaning back into the cushions. She’d cautiously come to sit beside him, laying a well-manicured hand on his arm. “Are you okay?” She’d asked softly. He’d laughed then, a harsh, bitter thing, before taking in a few harsh shuttering breaths. He shook his head then no once, and had leaned forward to press the heels of his hands into his eyes harder. She’d winced (because it looked painful) and had grasped his hands to pull them away, setting them in her lap and resting her palms on them. “Wanna talk about it?” She asked softly, stroking her thumbs over his hands (because she was touchy; even as she felt weird about it for some reason she told herself she’d do this with Adam and Pharell if they were this upset in the same way). He shuddered and hung his head slightly, taking another one of those heartbroken sounding breaths. “‘Ts ok if you don’t. I’ll just sit here with you for awhile,” she murmured, continuing that rhythmic stroking of his hands. It had been about ten seconds before he’d spoken.

 

“Sorry,” He’d said, and it had sounded broken and tear-clogged. She tutted, squeezing his fingers and tilting her head at him even though he couldn’t see her.

 

“For what?” She asked. He’d set his jaw with a harsh grind of his teeth as another tear came down his face. 

 

“‘M bein’ a pansy ass,” He’d mumbled, all southern drawl and hoarse voice, and she’d shaken her head, thumbs stroking over his wrists now.

 

“Nothing wrong with crying Blake,” She said simply, because she’d learned that lesson throughout her life. Sure, it was more acceptable for women to do it in public than men, but that was the world’s fault and not his. He’d coughed a little and leaned forward more, hiding his face. It had been a few moments, and she saw his mouth open and close, and she sensed he was going to say something so she shut up. 

 

“That song was my brother’s favorite,” He’d eventually choked out, and she’d furrowed her brow. She didn’t know a ton about Blake, but she knew some things.

 

“I didn’t know you had a brother,” She said. His shoulders shook a little, and his hands tried to clench in her grasp. She saw him sniffle.

 

“Died when I was fourteen. Drunk driver, car crash.” She’d felt her eyes fill with sympathetic tears, because she couldn't imagine losing someone so close at such a young age. All she could do was run her fingertips over his wrists, trying to impart as much comfort as she could. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, and it almost surprised her by the time he spoke again.

 

“He died twenty-four years ago tomorrow,” Blake said. Gwen’s mouth opened a little and she swallowed hard. Her brow furrowed again.

 

“You’re not going back to Oklahoma to be with your family? We film tomorrow,” Gwen said, puzzled. He went back to Oklahoma every chance he got, so she didn’t understand why he wouldn’t tomorrow. His face screwed up and he looked like he might start sobbing, so she started rubbing up his arm. It seemed to calm him.

 

“ I couldn’t. This was the only day we could film, Mark said. ” He sounded heartbroken about the prospect, and she swallowed the influx of empathetic tears. He’d given up a lot for this job (she knew he only saw his wife once in a great while and that must be hard).  She entwined their fingers then, and his hands clenched around hers hard. 

 

“ Is Miranda going to come here tomorrow at least?” She said, pretty sure the answer was yes and hoping to bring him some comfort. Hell, if something like this ever happened to Gavin, she knew where she’d be and that was right by his side (even if in her deepest most depressed moments she didn’t think he’d do the same).  Instead of comforting him, though, the words seem to make him break harder, and she sees a trail of tears run down his face as he bites his lip and shakes his head no.

 

“ She never does,” He mumbled into the sleeve of his flannel, and her heart broke a little for him (she wasn’t going to examine the relationship between Blake and his wife because even though she’d never said anything she’d met the woman twice and came to the conclusion she was completely wrong for Blake about ten minutes after meeting her). His shoulders shook up and down,and he took in shallow shuddering breaths. He was obviously trying hard not to really start crying. She move her legs closer so that they nudged with his, and he inhaled and exhaled rapidly. Looking him up and down (because he looked broken, not at all like the joyful happy man she’d come to know fairly well), she released his hands and wrapped her arms around his body, her arms barely covering his width (because he was tall and built like an oak tree). She rubbed at his upper arms with her hands and leaned the side of her head against his, and tried to infuse with the hug everything she thought, like _i’m sorry, you’re amazing, don’t cry laugh instead, its bullshit that they couldn’t get everyone else to pick a day, if you took me with you i’d hold you the whole day and wipe away your tears with my lips_ (….wait, where the hell had that come from?! She shook the last thought off mentally, putting it away). 

 

He stiffened when she wrapped her arms around him, and it wasn’t until she gently murmured into the side of his head, “you can let go now,” that he starts sobbing, quiet restrained ones but ones that nonetheless shake his whole frame. She makes comforting noises and rocks them slightly, and his sobs get more audible as he visibly shudders and buries his face in her shoulder. She feels his tears soak her shirt (and she’s going to have to change) and she rests her face in his hair (and it smells like fresh cut grass and chocolate mint and fresh tea with milk and an unused recording studio; all the things she loves, but that’s another thing she’ll put away in the dark recesses of her subconscious, only to pull out when she’d had another terrible fight with Gavin and is crying her eyes out in the third guest room because that’s where her boys won’t hear her at three in the morning). 

 

It’s a few minutes before he stops crying and simply nuzzles a little into her shoulder, breathing in and out heaving shuddering breaths against the cloth of her top. He sniffles wetly, and she rests her lips in his hair (she pretends she doesn’t notice his sharp inhale or the way he takes time again to breath her in once he smells her). Only when she thinks he’s done and is riding the road towards embarrassment if she holds him any longer does she let go, reaching on the side table for a few Kleenex and handing them to him without a word. His face is bright red and tear streaked, and he gives her a grateful look as he swipes over his face with the Kleenex. She simply sits there, with their knees brushing sitting a little too close, swiping her eyes over his frame as he slowly pulls himself together. She struggles for something to say about what he’s going through, but she’s got nothing, because she’s never been through anything like that. There is one thing she can talk about though, something she can talk about for hours if she could.

 

“ Music is so powerful,” She said softly, looking anywhere but him to give himself time to pull together. In her peripheral vision, she sees Blake nod hesitantly. “ Like, you know that tingle in your spine and those goosebumps on your arms and—“ her words are interrupted by Blake, who’s head is facing her now.

 

“the way you can’t blink, and ya can’t do anything but listen and take it in and you haft ta catch your breath at the end because ya haven’t been breathin’?” He finishes, and it’s exactly what she was going to say. Despite everything that’s just happened, she grins at him and he grins back. He gets it; he shares her deep connection to music. “ I cry way too often at songs, “ he admits, sounding vulnerable. She’s nodding at him in the next second, because _he gets it._

 

“Yea, me too,” She says, and they share a look before she looks at her watch. She has an idea that’s been forming while she was holding him;but she needs to stall Blake for a few minute so she can implement it. She stands up then, slowly, letting her body brush his, and sighs. “We gotta get back,” she says softly, and Blake nods, his Kleenex crumpled in his fist. She points to his pocket, where no doubt his phone is. “ You should call Amanda and Jenny and let them adjust your hair and makeup before you go back out there,” She says softly, and he nods again, already pulling out his phone. 

 

“ They’re gonna beat me up,” He says jokingly, grinning through half his mouth at her. She crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow.

 

“ They’re like, a hundred pounds each. I think you can take ‘em,” She quips, and he chuckles, tilting his head in the _you gotta point_ gesture he uses. He looks at her seriously for a moment, his blue eyes (they remind her of the rooftops of Santorini that she’d seen when they’d taken a trip there two years ago; they mesmerize her just as those rooftops had) trained right on her brown ones, and he sets his jaw a little. 

 

“Thank you,” He said sincerely, softly, slowly. She smiles a little at him and nods once, slipping out the trailer door. She immediately goes to the sound booth, where Mark and Jerry and Dave are sitting twiddling with their phones. As soon as she opens the door, they look up at her with irritating expressions, Dave actually pointing at his watch.

 

“ What the hell was that?? We have to get going Gwen!” Dave said, reprimanding her. Even though she wants to say she’s sorry (because they did keep them waiting for an awfully long time) she pulls out her inner badass (she hasn’t pulled it out and so long and my god she missed it) and crosses her arms. She’s ready to do battle. 

 

“ I need to see the three of you outside. Right now, “ Her tone is firm, so unlike her usual nice laid-back attitude, that they immediately comply, joining her in the hallway and closing the door to the room behind them. They look at her expectantly, virtually towering over her, and she widens her stance, her jaw firm. “You’re going to let Blake go to Oklahoma tomorrow,” She says, demanding. They raise their eyebrows at her (because she wasn’t really the type for demands usually). Mark is irritated, she can tell, and he crosses his arms back.

 

“Gwen I went over this with him. We have to film tomorrow because no one can make it on Friday,” Mark begins, but Gwen shakes her head.

 

“ I was never asked. Not once. Now,” she lowers her voice, “ I know it’s not Liz that’s not telling me because she wouldn't do that. I’m going to bet that Pharell and Adam weren’t asked either,” she says. None of the three men deny it, and Gwen feels her ire grow. “This is about your schedules and you wanting to go away for the weekend,” she says quietly, firmly. Again, none of the men deny it. “Quite frankly, I don’t give a damn what your vacation plans are, because Blake needs to be in Oklahoma tomorrow.” She sees Mark start to protest again, and she holds up her hand. “Nope, not done. You all owe me this. I have a smaller paycheck than any of the other judges and I didn’t get my lawyers involved even though I could have. I have a leftover trailer and I pay for a lot of my wardrobe budget out of my own pocket. Now, i’m fine with those things, but those are the things you gave me that I could have objected to if I was more of a diva, but I didn’t. So, you owe me this. I’m asking you for this. Let Blake fly home tomorrow, he can be back here on Friday morning to film the rest of the Knockouts and nothing will be screwed over.” Gwen stares them down as they fidget. Dave has that stubborn look on his face like he’s going to protest again, so she throws her final dart. “ Let him go tomorrow, or I walk. I buy myself out of my contract and you lose your fourth judge in the middle of the season.” Their faces drop (because it would be a complete pain in the ass to find another judge in the middle of the season and the show would forever be tainted with drama, just like American Idol was eventually). Jerry scoffs at her, all male masculine bravado.

 

“ Yeah right, you’re bluffing, “ He says, and he’s always been kind of a misogynist, but this just proves it. She crooks and eyebrow and a hip.

 

“Wanna find out?” She stares them down. Mark throws up his hands then, running a hand through his spiked hair and storming away from her. 

 

“Fine! We’ll make the announcement when we go back live in five,” He says, slamming the booth behind him. Jerry and Dave follow not too long afterwards, and it’s not until the door has closed behind them that she leaps into the air, her face buoyant. She hears the loudspeaker message.

 

“ Folks, back on in five, take your seats in three. Repeat, back on in five take your seats in three,” She grins and quickly walks away. Running faster than she ever thought she could in three inch heels, she hurries to her trailer and books a private jet for Blake to fly out to Ada, Oklahoma at seven a.m. the next morning and return to L.A. at nine o clock that night (she wonders why she’s spending so much on him and would have to lie to Gavin about what it was for the next week when he saw the bill, but it was worth the fight and the expense, so worth it if only to keep him from crying again like his heart was being wrenched from his chest). She’s printed the confirmation from her printer and rushed downstairs the next second, folding the confirmation papers and scribbling _Don’t open until announcement made._ She sticks them on Blake’s chair (both Adam and Pharell, who are already in their seats, look at her like she’s lost her mind and maybe she has; because her hair is a little askew and there’s a drying damp patch on her blazer and her face is shiny) and virtually hops into her seat, quickly dabbing at her face with an oil wipe and a compact that she keeps at her table. She’s panting a little, but it’s perfect timing, because it’s as she’s closing it and the next contestant is coming out onstage that the announcement comes over the loudspeaker. She sees Blake look at the piece of paper with furrowed brows before he shrugs and holds onto it.

 

“Okay, folks,” It’s Jerry’s voice, and she holds her breath for one of his jibes, “ So there’s been a change in plans. Due to a request from one of the judges we’re going to take tomorrow off and resume back on Friday after we’re done here for the night. Take tomorrow and rest, and we’ll see you Friday morning at 8 a.m. for call, “ He talks about the contestant briefly and where they’re going to leave off, but all she can focus on is Blake’s face. His eyes go wide and his mouth gapes open, and she sees him clap a hand over his mouth as his eyes sparkle with unshed tears. She pulls out her phone and texts him then.

 

 _Open the piece of paper,_ she sends, and he does right after he gets her text, his brow still furrowed. She watches the surprise on his features as well as how completely overwhelmed he is, and his jaw sets and his hands come up trembling to cover his mouth. He looks in her direction with a look she can’t even place (it might be wonder and a little bit of adoration but she can’t look into that, not at this point in her life) and pulls out his phone, typing quickly. Seconds later, her phone buzzes.

 

 **Oh my god. Gwen how did you??** **I owe you money for this, how much was it?** She grins at her phone when she reads it, typing back.

 

 _I’m just that good Blake ;). You don’t owe me anything._ He reads it, and she sees him purse his lips to push the tears away.

 

 **A song then.** She tilts her head at her phone, typing back.

 

 _You’re gonna write me a song?? What’s it called, red lipstick and fishnets? :P_ She teases, but his jaw is completely serious and he doesn’t crack a smile. He types back with slightly trembling hands.

 

 **I wanna sing you the song I wrote for my brother. Dinner on Friday after the show at my town home?** She inhales a sharp breath. She’s heard about this song from Adam, heard how powerful it is and that Blake refuses to sing it without someone else there to back him up because he doesn’t think he’ll make it through it. She’s never heard it though, because listening to his wife sing the song that should be his doesn’t seem right, even though he gave it to her. She types back.

 

 _I’d like that._ As soon as she sends it she sees him smile, still a little overwhelmed. She types again then quickly, before she can lose her nerve. _If you cry, I don’t mind._ She sees him swallow when he reads it, and his fingers hover over the buttons before he types. 

 

**Good.**


	2. Blake Loves Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mother gets migraines like Blake does; only hers are worse and she usually has to go to the hospital. As someone who's had to take her to the hospital many times when I still lived at home, they're not fun!

One of her favorite things about Blake and their new relationship is how communicative he is. Even if she texts him at two in the morning (because she can sometimes be a night owl especially when she’s thinking about things and her kids aren’t with her), he’ll get back to her within either five minutes or the second he wakes up (the number of texts that have come in at six or seven in the morning while she’s sound asleep are numerous). He’s especially glued to his phone now that they’ve extended their flirting to going on actual dates (like dinner at her favorite restaurant or drinks at his townhouse where he’d rested his hand on the small of her back as they’d looked out at the ocean), and she kind of loves the fact that no matter what time of day it is or where they are, they can always, always talk to each other. They’ve FaceTimed and Gwen has seen Blake sleepy and ruffle haired (because he’s a morning person and will always be a morning person), she’s seen him with his hat on to cover slightly greasy hair after he’s been working out at the ranch all day (something about the smear of dirt on his cheek that he didn’t realize was there had _done_ something to her; she wanted to kiss the spot and lick her thumb before rubbing it away). She’s sent flirty texts and he’s flirted back; she’s used too many emojis and he’s poked fun at her for it. She’s happier than she remembers being in a long time, and she thinks he feels the same though she’s never asked (because that shadow seems to disappear from his eyes every day and they get that much more brilliantly blue and he seems to hesitate less around her like he might be pushed away every time he gets near her). She’d switched to an unlimited data plan for him (because she’d never been a texter before but she was now) and had gotten a more updated phone so it would be faster, and so she could see his face more clearly on the screen when they FaceTimed. 

 

Given their extensive communication, therefore, it’s odd one day when he doesn’t respond to her. She sends him a little anecdote about her day the night before, as she’s falling asleep at one in the morning, and when she wakes up at nine there’s no response from him. She can’t remember him ever sleeping until nine in his life, but she figures he might have been out late somewhere in LA. She furrows her brow but continues on with her day, which luckily includes not too much because quite frankly she needs the rest. Her and Blake had planned to meet for an early dinner and movie at her house because Gavin had the kids (she was hoping the movie included a good old fashioned teenaged makeout because he _loved_ to kiss and so did she; she’d kissed him more in their relationship than she had both of her previous relationships combined; she’d also never waited so long to move around the bases. It’s kind of nice; she feels like a lady around him and she kind of loves it. She even wore pants so she could straddle his lap without totally exposing herself; not that she’d mind) so she’d sent him a text about that a couple of hours later. He still doesn’t respond, and she taps her nails against her phone as she leans against the kitchen island. He had nothing going on that day from what she understood, and she didn’t know why he wasn’t getting back to her when he was usually so quick. 

 

When it gets to noon without a response from him, she starts to get worried. That familiar spider of insecurity travels its way from her spine to her shoulder blades and into her head, and she wonders if she _did something_ to piss him off. Was she being too clingy? She thought he liked it given his almost immediate responses to her, but maybe he was just being nice and she was really bugging the crap out of him. She knows Miranda had been independent and that she and Blake hadn’t talked all that much; maybe Blake wanted something like that. She paces then, back and forth in her kitchen, feeling her eyes fill even though she didn’t expect them to. She swipes at them angrily and sends him one more text.

 

 ** _Is everything ok? Sorry, I don’t mean to be clingy. Hope you can forgive me._ ** It sounds needy and exactly like the kind of thing she would have sent to Gavin once upon a time, and she hates herself a little even as she regresses back to her personality of a year and a half ago, quiet and submissive and a little meek just so she could do something not to piss off her husband. She’s practically worked herself into a nervous state and is thinking about going over to her brother’s just to have something to do when his ringtone sounds over the din of her own thoughts. She fumbles and almost drops the phone in her haste to answer it, and she ushers out a soft (and vulnerable, too too vulnerable), “ Hello?” She hears him groan and inhale a shaky breath. Her eyes go wide, because _what’s wrong?!_

 

“… Hi,” He says softly, his voice full of something she can’t place. She cups the phone in her hands, going from scared and anxious to concerned in seconds flat.

 

“ What’s the matter?” She says quickly and perhaps a little too loudly, and he groans again, and she hears a swishing sound.  

 

“‘m sorry I didn’t get back to ya; yer not being clingy Gwen,” He ignores her question and forces the words out through clenched teeth (or at least it sounds like). “ I.. I get these headaches, you know?” He asks and she nods, making a sound of affirmation. She’d heard about them in Season 7 but he’d never experienced one with her around; it had always luckily been on weekends when he was in Oklahoma and not when they were filming. “And I took Demoral but I can’t even see straight and reading the phone made me puke,” He sounds miserable, and she swallows down a flood of tears marked with empathy and relief (because it’s not her, it’s not her, it’s not her). “I’m sorry I made you doubt yerself,” He sounds contrite, and she shakes her head at the phone.

 

“ No, Blake baby, it’s ok,” She says at a near whisper. She hears his inhale a second before she realizes what she’s done, because she’s never used a pet name for him before. She hopes he likes it.

 

“ I…” She hears him cough and set the phone down rapidly and then the toilet flushes after she hears a horrible hacking cough, and she winces because he’s obviously throwing up. He comes to get the phone a couple seconds later and clears his throat, sounding wrecked. “ I dun’t think i’m going to be able to make dinner, i’m sorry,” He heaves out a shuddering breath, and she hears a thump. She makes a split second decision then, and pulls on her shoes while she holds the phone against one ear. She grabs her keys and locks the door behind her, not even bothering to change out of her sweats (that on a normal day she’d never ever let Blake see her in) or take off her glasses or put on any makeup (she doesn’t even realize it until she’s almost there but by then it’s too late). 

 

“What do you need?” She murmurs to him as she gets in the car, and he breathes on the other end for a few moments before he talks.

 

“ Nuthin’ darlin’,” She blushes at the endearment and beams, “ I just need to sleep until all this is over. Maybe the next year or so, ” He croaks out, trying to make her laugh even as he’s miserable with pain, and she smiles softly at the phone.

 

“ Ok, well, let me know if you need anything ok?” She says, and he agrees before hanging up, but not before she hears him heave again, practically throwing the phone down as he runs to the toilet. She texts Adam then as she sits in her garage with the car off (because he’s the one she also knows who’s known Blake the longest and he’s had to have been through one before)

 

 ** _Have u been thru one of Blakes migraines before?_** Luckily, it’s only a couple seconds before he texts back; sometimes he’s not very reliable with his phone.

 

 _Yea. Y? Does he have one?_ Adam texts back, and Gwen types as quickly as she can.

 

 ** _Yea. He says I cant do anything but I cant just sit here. What can I do for him?_** The phone buzzes a second later.

 

 _Yea he says that. He prob hasn’t eaten in a day or two depending on when it started so he needs to eat even tho he wont want to. He can usually keep down peanut butter soda crackers, creamy peanut butter and the low sodium crackers. And room temp ginger ale, the fake stuff though not the real stuff, like Schwepps or something. Alka Seltzer Severe will steady his stomach so he can eat; he needs to drink it first before he eats anything otherwise he’ll barf it back up._ She nods, already making a mental list even as she’s raising her eyebrows because sometimes Adam knows everything. Her phone buzzes again then. _O also; if you run your fingertips along his scalp and put his head in your lap it makes him feel better and helps him sleep._ Her eyebrows go higher. 

 

 ** _You sure know a lot about this,_** she types.The reply comes a second later, and she can sense the snark even through the phone.

 

 _Yea well you get to when his ex-wife spent all of his headaches out with her girlfriends or blaming the whole thing on him for screwing up her schedule because he didn’t predict them. He stopped going to her for them two years ago._ Her heart breaks for Blake a little with that message; sometimes she forgets that he had it almost as bad as she did in her marriage (because he’s so optimistic and so like sunshine after a long rain that he seemed perfectly fine, most of the time). She types out one last text before she opens her garage door and pulls her SUV out of the space.

 

 ** _Thank you. I’ll take care of him._ ** She doesn’t read the response until she’s in Ralph’ picking up the required supplies, throwing in a packet of ginger tea and some food for herself for the rest of the day that’s not too scented so it doesn’t upset his stomach. 

 

 _Please do._ That was all it said, and Gwen swallowed before taking her groceries to the check out counter.

 

When she rings Blake’s doorbell, she hears a thump and a groan before shuffled treads make their way to the door. He opens it, and she gapes at him for a second. He looks awful, all greasy hair and pale splotched skin and bags under his eyes that could rival the Panama Canal. His curls are sticking up every which way, and his clothes (sweatpants and a shirt that has a few holes in it along with bleach spots) is wrinkled. His eyes are nearly squinted shut, and he winces when the sun hits his eyes, covering his face with his hand to block out the light. She pushes him inside gently and shuts the door, leaving them in the near darkness of his townhouse with the blackout curtains all pulled and the lights on low. With the door shut he gets enough strength to open his eyes, and he sees her and they widen in surprise.

 

“ Gwen?” Is all he says, wincing and cupping his hands over his ears. His shoulders slouch, and in that moment he looks about five, all miserable sad little boy. “ What are you doing here?” His voice is barely whispered, and she takes the bags to the kitchen, setting the groceries down as he followed her blindly.

 

“ I came to take care of you,” She whispered to him, grabbing him on the tops of his arms and slowly steering him to his dining room table, coaxing him to sit on one of the chairs. He immediately complies and practically folds himself over it, resting his arms on the glass table and his head nodding towards his arms.

 

“ You don’t have to…” Blake murmurs back, and he sounds hopeful yet resigned. She grabs a glass (and is grateful for the see through cabinets because she wasn’t completely sure where everything was yet) and pours some water from the filter in his fridge, opening one of the packets of Alka Seltzer and dumping it in the glass. She lets it fizz away before she comes to him, grabbing his hand and wrapping his fingers around the glass. She wraps his other hand around it too when it starts to shake, and she helps him raise the glass to his lips and drink it. His brow furrows when he realizes what it is, but he drinks it down obediently before he lets her take the glass. He slouches again, and she rubs a hand through his hair briefly as she goes back to the kitchen. The effect is instantaneous and at any other time would probably make her laugh. It’s like a string has been cut, and he arches up into it like a cat before shuddering down to rest his forehead on his arms as she pulls away. She turns to him as she reaches the doorway to the kitchen.

 

“ With all due respect baby, shut up,” She says it softly but jokingly, and he smiles a little before wincing again. She pours him a glass of ginger ale out of the same glass and brings it over to him, setting it on the table and pulling his hand so he can touch it. She rubs her fingers over the back of his hand then and he curls his fingers to her, and she trails her nails lightly over his arm as she walks back into the kitchen. She makes five peanut butter crackers and puts them on a plate, absentmindedly licking the peanut butter off of her fingers. She brings the peanut butter crackers to the living room, setting up the couch with a few blankets and a couple of pillows, before coming back into the dining room. His head is right where she left him, resting on the table, but some of the ginger ale is gone and she grins lightly. Bingo. She walks as quietly as she can towards him, and reaches her hand up to run over the bottom of his hairline and up his scalp, her other hand coming down his arm to entwine their fingers as she leaned into him. He groaned and arched up into the contact and into her body, reaching back to rest the back of his head against her shoulder. She rubbed her fingers through his hair lightly, feeling the tremors that wracked his body with every rub, and she ever so softly kissed his hairline, reaching down to murmur in his ear. “Cmon; you need to lay down,” She kisses the side of his head again and he sighs, world weary and pained, before shuffling to his feet and letting her virtually push him to the couch, where he sinks into it with a sigh. 

 

“ Can you eat something?” She asks gently, sitting on the coffee table with her feet braced next to his knees on the couch. He grunts from where his arm is thrown over his eyes, and she presents the plate to him with the peanut butter crackers. He blindly reaches out a hand for whatever it is, and she puts the cracker on his palm. He brings it up to his mouth and nibbles on it, still with his arm over his eyes. He makes a pleased rumbling noise then, finishing the cracker in a few quick bites and reaching for another one. It’s obvious he’s been hungry (how long he’d been hungry she’d never know but she wishes he would have told her about his headache before now).

 

“ You’ve been talkin’ to Adam,” he says hoarsely as he finishes the fourth cracker, uncaring about the few crumbs caught in his scruff (she finds him so unaware of himself sometimes and she kind of loves it; because Gavin was high maintenance and fastidious about his appearance, and sometimes she wanted to be able to lounge around in sweats and a t-shirt with no makeup without feeling guilty). She squeezes his hand in response and he squeezes back. He finishes the crackers and leans back against the couch with a sigh, nuzzling his nose into his own elbow. 

 

 

 

 

 He then moves to lay down, curling down against the arm of the couch with his hands between his thighs. He shivers, looking miserable, and huddles, his eyes shut so tightly they’re practically invisible. She looks at him for a moment (because this was bad, so bad, and she can’t imagine going through this as often as he must) and pushes on his shoulders so she can slot herself at the end of the couch with his head, moving the pillow to her lap and pushing on his shoulders. He cracked his eyes open and looked down at her lap and at her with painful, fever bright blue eyes, and again he reminded her of a five year old.

 

“ I can?” He said, all hopeful innocence. She tilted her head, and he swallowed, lowering his chin, “ You don’t mind if I lay my head on yer lap?” It’s barely audible through the Southern twang and the hoarseness of his voice, but once she understands it she feels her eyes fill with empathy again. She pushes harder on his shoulders  and runs her hands through his hair.

 

“ Will it help you?” She asks him softly. Blake hesitates but then nods and then hesitates again, eyeing a spot somewhere around her shoulder blade. He wants to ask her something, she knows it, but she doesn’t know what. 

 

“D’you,” He swallows, “ Can we lay another way?” She tilts her head further, but nods. He sounds like he expects to be rejected, and at that moment she wants to give him everything he’s ever wanted and has never had the courage to ask for.

 

“Whatever you need baby,” She murmurs to him, and he stares at her for a moment through pain soaked eyes. He moves her gently to lay lengthwise on the couch, and she complies, resting her head against the pillow on the arm. She inhales a little surprise when he goes to the other side of her, back facing the back of the couch (he had a gigantic couch; it was perfect for him and Gwen loved it). Ever so slowly, he laid down on top of her, tucking his face into the space between her neck and shoulder and wrapping his arms around her waist. His foot came down to meet hers and he threw a knee over her legs, and he sighs deep and content. She looks down at him with raised eyebrows. It was such a submissive position, almost a reversal of how they usually cuddled, that she was a little thrown for a loop. After a few seconds, though, she decides to go with it and brings her hand to run through his hair in repeated, soothing motions. She rests her lips in the top of his head as her fingers run back and forth. He arches up into again, again like a cat, and then lets out a large exhaled breath, nuzzling his nose into her. His breathing evens out, and he slips into sleep after only a few minutes, the furrow in his brow easing a little with every swipe of her fingers through his hair. She ends up dozing too, and they sleep most of the day and night that way.

 

He doesn’t wake up until nine the next morning, and by then she’s already up, showered, and has made a light breakfast of peanut butter toast and some of the ginger tea. She’s sitting at the kitchen island with her own cup of tea when he shuffles into the kitchen, running his hands through his hair. He looks so much better even as he still looks exhausted. Most of the pain is gone from his eyes now though, and he looks at her sheepishly and shuffles his feet. She sees him and smiles that smile only he seems to make her use, and she walks over to him and leans up and kisses his scruffy cheek. He blushes deeply and half beams into his dimples, his hand coming over her waist. “ Breakfast?” She says, her voice still low, and he clears his throat.

 

“That’d be nice,” He murmured, and he looked at her, “ Look, Gwen…” He’s gearing up for a speech; she knows him well enough to know that by now, and she shoves a piece of peanut butter toast in his mouth, leaning up and raining nuzzling kisses over his cheek. He stiffens before he munches and chews, and as soon as he finishes the piece he wraps his arms around her tightly, running his hands over her back. He kisses the top of her head, once, twice, three times, and his kisses say _thank you_ and _i’m not used to being touched like that_ and _you helped me and i loved it._ She kisses his cheek again messily as he goes to shower, and he chuckles and she giggles, and the giggles say _i love touching you_ and _you’re welcome._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments feed the muse! Also *squee* at Gwen and Blake pics today.


	3. He Loves to Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the brief hiatus! Real life has been kind of crazy!

They’d had one of the best days Gwen can remember having in a long time. Then again, all of her days seem best days when she’s with Blake, but this one will stick out in her memory because of how much she’d laughed. That and her family; her family was with her and so was the love of her life, and she couldn’t remember being happier.

 

She’d woken up the morning wrapped up in Blake’s arms, both of them fully dressed in pajamas. Her kids had been on a hyper craze the night before, and after Zuma had started hitting Kingston with the body pillows they were all using to watch a movie, screaming, “down Jedi warrior!” Blake had offered to take them outside to play tag to wear them out (he was great with her kids, and they loved him to death already even though Blake had only recently been spending a ton of time with them. This was only their fourth night with Blake staying overnight while the kids were there, but the kids took to it like it had always happened. Gwen remembers that first morning, when he’d woken up extra early even though he hated mornings as much as she did to cook them all chocolate chip pancakes and fruit salad. He’d made them into little cowboy boots for Apollo and a quasi-horse for Zuma, and a cowboy hat for Kingston, and even though Kingston had pretended to be too old for it Gwen could see his smile as he piled his plate with three of the cowboy hats. As soon as Gwen had walked into the kitchen, all bleary eyed and sleepy haired from being woken up with Apollo sticking his fingers in her nose, he’d smiled at her, a beaming soft thing as his eyes had trailed up and down her body. He hadn’t touched her—though it was obvious he’d wanted to, the way his hands had twitched— but instead had put the pancakes on a plate, setting a cup of tea made exactly as she liked it at her place at the table before finishing up the fruit salad. Zuma had seen the horse pancakes made for him and had grinned and laughed, hugging Blake around the waist. Blake had frozen for a second but his whole face had lit up, and he’d hugged Zuma back, ruffling his hair as he asked him what kind of juice he wanted.). It had been almost ten o’clock when he’d offered, and Gwen had looked at him gratefully through tired eyes as she cradled a sleeping Apollo. He’d turned on the floodlights to her backyard and had picked Zuma up effortlessly, holding up upside down and smiling at his giggle. 

 

“ Blake!” Zuma had laughed, kicking his feet a little. Blake had artfully dodged the flailing feet and had set Zuma down in front of his shoes, beckoning Kingston with the other hand. 

 

“C’mon Jedis,” He’d said, putting on his tennis shoes he kept at Gwen’s house and slipping on his hat, “we’re gonna go catch some real bad guys.” Both of her boys had whooped and sprinted outside, and when Gwen had gotten up to finally put a sound asleep Apollo to bed so he wouldn’t fuss. She looked outside to see the three of them practically running circles around the other, Blake covered in sweat and a grass stain on his cheek. Her boys—all three of them— were laughing madly, and she’d smiled at the sight before taking her littlest to his bed and putting him down. She’d sat with him in there for awhile, and it hadn’t been until almost midnight that she’d heard the sliding door open back up and six feet pound through the door. 

 

She’d walked back out to the living area to find all three of them filthy and sweaty, panting, tired messes, and she sees both of her boys hug Blake before trudging over to shower at his prompting. He watches them go with a small smile, still panting heaving breaths, and she smiles at him in the doorway, tilting her head. She yawned, and he yawned, and she shook her head at how _cool_ they both were before she beckoned him to bed. They’d finally gotten to sleep around one, too tired to do anything but collapse on each other. Blake had been asleep within five minutes of laying his head down, and Gwen hadn’t been far behind.

 

She isn’t sure at first what wakes her the morning after their fourth night with all of them in the house. Maybe it’s the light coming through the curtains, casting a golden glow on the room. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s spooning her loosely in the same position they went to bed the night before. Maybe it’s his arms around her waist loosely or the fact that his knees fit perfectly in the slot between her legs this way. Maybe it’s his smell, that piney woodsy scent prevalent even after he hasn’t showered. Maybe it’s the soft half snuffles half snores he made like he was now into the top of his head, sounds that meant he was sleeping deeply and well and would wake refreshed and energetic. 

 

Eventually, through her half asleep state, enjoying her boyfriend’s warmth and comfort, she realizes that what’s waking her is actually in front of her. There’s breath on the front of her face, and as she cracks open her eyes she sees Zuma’s bespectacled lenses staring centimeters from her face, his finger raised like he wants to poke her cheek but is hesitating. Gwen startles a little and then grins at him, because sometimes her children are _weird._ But she loves them, oh so much. She’s a little weird too, besides. 

 

“Mommy,” He whispers softly to her, and she makes a noise, “ I had a nightmare ‘bout vampires; can I sleep here for awhile?” His words are so pleading and hesitant, and she doesn’t stop to think about it before she’s nodding and opening the covers to him. He immediately snuggles in and buries his face against her chest, and she kisses his forehead. He’s asleep again within a few seconds, and she rubs his back with the hand not being held captive by Blake’s. 

 

She dozes too, happy and content surrounded by two of her favorite boys, until she feels Blake rousing behind her. She cracks her eyes open and squeezes his hand with one of hers, and she feels his body move as he cranes his neck around to see Zuma on the other side. He beams against the side of her head and kisses it a few times, and she feels his happy sigh against her hair. He starts planting soft kisses on her neck, chaste little pecks, and she tilts her head to the side a little so she can enjoy the soft nuzzles until he stops immediately when Zuma wakes up. Zuma beams his little smile at both of them and Gwen kisses him good morning as she hugs him, and he pulls Blake’s arms around them too as he nuzzles into her. Blake beams (she can feel it again, and it makes her so happy that he’s so happy) and hugs both of them close. 

 

“Mama?” He says, and she clears her throat, stroking a hand over his hair.

 

“ Yes baby?” She says softly, smiling at her son. 

 

“ I’m hungry,” She laughs then and feels Blake laugh too, because her kid is in a growing phase and he seems to eat his weight in food every day, and she smiles at him.

 

“ Okay. Why don’t you go wake King and ‘Pollo and we’ll be up in a minute ok?” Zuma nods and scrambles out of bed, and he’s running out the door. He swings around, his arms almost hitting the doorframe, and looks at them.

 

“ Blake can we have cowboy pancakes?” Zuma asks her boyfriend. She feels Blake beam again and he breaks away from her to stretch a little, nodding at her son.

 

“ Sure, buddy,” Blake says, his voice a little hoarse from disuse. Her son grins and spins out of the door, running down the stairs to wake his brothers. As soon as he leaves, Gwen turns around to face her boyfriend, who’s now lying on his back with one arm still around her and one hand over his head. She grins at him and he grins back, all sleepy eyes and mussed curls, and she stretches her body before straddling him, sitting up and looking down at him. He grins at her and she grins back, and she pins both arms above his head before leaning down for a good morning kiss (it’s one of his favorite kinds, she knows, all morning breath and soft tongue; she’s been woken up more times than she can count with his lips everywhere on her body meeting her mouth the second she’s awake, and he seems abnormally desperate for her kisses in the morning). Just as her lips are millimeters from meeting his in a smiling kiss; she hears a crash and a voice calling up the stairs.

 

“ Mooommm!” It’s Zuma’s voice, and he sounds impatient and distressed. The next split second later, she hears,

 

“ Zuma did it I swear!” from Kingston, and then Apollo’s giggle, and she can’t help it, she starts laughing. He starts laughing too, and she pecks him on the nose once with her lips before climbing off him and putting on her glasses, going down the stairs with Blake not far behind to figure out what exactly her kids have broken and who actually did it. She never does get her good morning kiss, and in that moment she doesn’t mind because she’s got everything else she wants.

 

After they eat and shower, it’s time for Zuma’s flag football game and for all of them to go to the park, and Blake drives them. He’s a little quiet (she knows he’s disappointed that the paparazzi ruined his ability to go to Zuma’s game; Zuma had asked him to and Blake had agreed obviously flattered and it had fallen to Gwen to take him aside that night and tell him that the paparazzi attention would be crazy and she didn’t really want that and he couldn’t really go, and he’d gotten a look in his eye reminiscent of heartbreak and she’d had to kiss it away. He’d told Zuma apologetically, getting on the floor so they could look at each other, and Blake had seemed so remorseful that Zuma accepted it although he was disappointed, and he’d hugged Blake before going off to play), and she squeezes his hand with hers, smiling at him when he looks over at her. He smiles back, his eyes still a little morose, before he pulls into the spot. Surprisingly, right away, they don’t see any paparazzi (but Gwen knows they’re coming), and they let the kids out of the car with the nanny before Blake looks around and cups Gwen’s cheek. She can tell he wants to kiss her and she wants to kiss him, and she nuzzles against his hand before she leans her head forward. It’s then that she hears the familiar click of the cameras, and she sighs, resigned, before breaking away. He’s looking bereft until he realizes the paparazzi are there, so she quickly pulls his hand up to her mouth and gives it a kiss before opening the car door and winking at him as he leaves. She still wishes she could kiss him, but she’s not going to give the cameras any more ammunition.

 

She FaceTimes Blake while she’s watching the game and Zuma and Apollo talk to him for awhile; Zuma brings him cookies and he beams and she almost loses the balls out of the car when she opens it and the whole family laughs. She can tell he wants to kiss her then, too, because that’s what they would do if they were a normal couple, but they don’t because they can’t.  After the game they stop off to get take out Mexican and go back to the house, and Zuma and Kingston swim in the pool while Apollo naps. The boys are just getting in the pool after dinner when Blake wraps his arms around her from behind, a little sweaty but still smelling like woods and pine. He sways them for a moment as they stand in the doorway to the pool area and watch her children, and he kisses the side of her head before whispering in her ear. “ Can you step away from them for ten minutes?” He whispers in it, and she tilts her head before nodding. Kingston is a fish in the water and Zuma stays in the shallow end; and her kids will be fine if she tells them to call her if they need anything. 

 

“ Hey boys!,” She shouts, and they look at her. “ Blake and I are gonna go inside for a few minutes yell if you need us ok?” She says, and they both nod. Blake takes her by the hand then and leads her into the sitting room where they can see the boys but the boys can’t see them, and he shuts the door. A second later, he’s in her space, his hands pulling on her hair. 

 

“Jesus,” He murmurs, tilting her head back roughly. She goes along with it, feeling that tingle over her spine, and looks up at him, “ I…” he clears his throat, “ I need to make out with you, right now,” He says, and he sounds so sincere that she can’t help but grin, and she bites her lip. 

 

“Right now?” She asks teasingly, a little flirty. He nods, so serious.

 

“ Oh my god i’ve been wanting to kiss you all day, all fucking day,” He says desperately, and she looks into his eyes and realizes he’s dead serious. It hits her then how much he loves to kiss her, how much he’s always loved to kiss her, and she’s never met anyone who loved to kiss as much as she did but she finally feels like she has. He’s been trying to kiss her all day and they've been foiled all day, and she wraps her arms around his neck.

 

“ Then kiss me,” She said, and he does. His tongue shoves into her mouth and he practically devours her with soft, parted lips, and he groans when their tongues stroke against each other like she’s water and he’s a man dying of thirst. She climbs him like a tree in order to get a better angle on their lips, and he hauls her up by her thighs, never breaking her lips from his.

 

They kiss like that for ten minutes, never breaking away from each other, and when they finally part with an obscene pop he has an erection the size of California and her pink lipstick on his mouth. She licks her thumb and wipes it away, and she nuzzles against his cheek chastely until his erection goes down. She takes him by the hand and leads him back to the pool area then, but not until she leans in his ear and sucks it in her mouth, whispering, “ I’m gonna ride you when the kids go to sleep and i’m gonna kiss you the whole time i’m doing it,” and grinning when she sees him gape at her as she goes to sit to stick her feet in the water. He smiles then like she’s given him the best gift ever, and maybe she has. 


	4. He Loves Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Schmoopy schmoop schmoop schmoop. Ahem, that is all.

he’s never met a man who loves affection as much as Blake does. She’d loved affection all of her life, loved cuddles and kisses and nuzzles and the simple pleasure of holding hands when she walked down the street. But, she’d come to think that men maybe weren’t like that. The men she’d liked to date hadn’t really liked to hold hands and had touched her only in sex (the number of times she’d heard, ‘you’re smothering me’ when she tried to spoon close in bed or take her husband’s hand had been more than she could count over the years, eventually she got used to it and cuddled her kids instead), so she’d figured that’s just the way that men were.

 

But then she’d met Blake. He’d loved to hug her, had hugged her the second he saw her at the blind auditions in June, and they’d been good hugs. They’d been long and warm and comforting, and she had sunk into them. Surprisingly, though, when they’d started dating their hugs had increased (because to her sometimes hugging was something done with friends whereas more intimate forms of contact were for boyfriends and girlfriends) and she’d gotten used to the feeling of his arms around her and his nose in her hair. He loved to spoon her and pull her body up to blanket his and he’d spent the entire night at Amanda’s wedding touching her as much as possible, from tucking a few hairs behind her ear to resting a hand over her neck while she talked to someone (the weight was comforting instead of constricting and she loved it). She’d gotten used to the feel of her hand holding his, his smile when she tucked her head into the crook of his neck, the way her body would tingle when he ran his hand down her back to get her attention. 

 

They'd had a wonderful few weeks. From Blake spending more time with her kids to going to the movies to simply hanging out together and going to sleep without any sex at all, she’d fallen more in love with him every single day. Then they went to Tokyo, and Blake met her after her concert after his own concert and they walked through the states and Gwen showed him why she loved the country. 

 

They'd had a blissful few days, but eventually had had to make the long flight home. Blake had been across the world a few times, but no where near as much as she had, and so the jet lag both going there and coming back had hit him hard. He’d mistakenly (not thinking he would be affected this much) scheduled two interviews and a press pool for his album the day after getting back, and she practically had had to drag him out of her bed and shove his clothes at him, pushing him towards the shower while she’d made him the biggest and strongest coffee she could. The interviews would turn out ok, but it was obvious he was tired and sleep deprived.

 

The night after they’d gotten back, Gwen had agreed to cook dinner for her family while they had a movie night. She figured her and Todd and Jen’s kids could swim in the pool while the adults chatted and cooked and caught up (she’d invited Blake and asked him if he wanted to invite anyone to the gathering and he’d said Adam with a shy look. She’d smiled and nodded, texting Adam immediately. He was adorable sometimes; she loved the brotherly relationship between the two men). 

 

They’d had a fun evening. Gwen had cooked veggie burgers and kabobs on one grill and Blake had cooked meat on the other, and they'd watched the kids swim and sipped on sangria. Afterwards, they’d all sat down to watch a movie (surprisingly, Adam and Behati had stayed, but it turned out that Adam loved Harry Potter, and that was something Gwen never thought she’d say). Her and Blake had sat close but not touching, Blake’s arm thrown around the back of the couch, his fingertips gently rubbing her shoulder once in awhile when no one was looking.

 

 

An hour after the movie had started, Gwen had looked over at Blake and her eyes filled with tenderness. Her poor exhausted boyfriend was asleep on couch even though it was only 8:00, his hat and shoes still on and his head leaned back of the back of it. It looked painful, even where she was sitting, and she knew that he was going to have a hell of a neck ache when he woke up (that might lead to one of his terrible migraines and she wanted to stop that if at all possible because they hurt him so much and him hurting meant she hurt). She knew what she would do when they were alone; she would have done it without a second thought. But, there were people here in her living room. Her parents and Todd and Jen and Adam and Behati and all three of her kids. They’d try so hard to keep the affection to a minimum around her kids; she didn’t want them to be confused or have questions or want to know why Gwen wasn’t kissing their dad like she was Blake. But she could tell Blake missed it since Gavin was on tour and her kids were with her 90% of the time when they weren’t with her parents. He spooned her at night and kissed her in the early light of the morning and they had quiet, tender sex but she could tell he missed nuzzling against her cheek as she was in the kitchen cooking or grabbing her hand as they walked through the grocery store or resting a hand in her hair or on her leg as they watched television. 

 

She bit her lip and looked around. Everyone was paying attention to the movie for the most part, and Adam was talking under his breath to Behati. She took a deep breath and moved. Reaching over, she grabbed a throw pillow from beside her, holding onto it with one hand as she inched closer to Blake. She rubbed his arm then, softly leaning in to whisper in his ear.

 

“ Blake, baby,” she whispered so no one could hear her. She shook him a tiny bit and he jerked as he woke up, his hat falling askew on his head and his eyes wide. He rubbed his face with his hands and shook his head a little to try to clear the cobwebs, but he still looked exhausted.

 

“ Whu? Whutsa matter?” He said immediately, looking around frantically. She shook her head to indicate _nothing_ and leaned in again to whisper in his ear. 

 

“ You fell asleep,” She whispered, and she felt him blush. He bit his lip as he looked at her.

 

“ Sorry, ‘m just not used to this kinda jetlag,” He said sheepishly, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. She shook her head to indicate _no problem_ and learned back to put the pillow on her lap, her legs resting against the ottoman. She looked over at him meaningfully and patted the pillow, nodding her head and motioning with her eyes that it was ok that he lay there. He stared at her, his eyes wide and surprised (because he never ever minded showing affection in front of people he was the mushy gushy type and she kind of loved it. Hell, for valentines day he’d filled her living room with flowers and danced with her under the stars of her balcony while wearing an honest to god suit), like he wasn’t expecting it but was hopeful he could do it. He swallowed then, looking her up and down. “ ‘Could just go up to bed,” he murmured. She shook her head and tilted it slightly, motioning again to the pillow. He looked around (seeing that no one was really paying attention to them except for Adam who had a smile on his face in the way of a brother when he was happy for his brother) and took off his hat, fluffing his hair and toeing off his boots before gingerly laying down in her lap, his head facing the television and his feet curling at the other end of the couch. He immediately sighed deeply, curling up a little and nuzzling his face into her pillow. At that moment, he reminded her of a particularly well contented dog (in fact she’d seen Betty do this exact thing at Blake’s ranch in Oklahoma, and she giggles under her breath). Adam’s looking at them with eyebrows raised, and so’s Behati, and Gwen blushes, shrugging a little. Adam shakes his head good naturedly and turns back to the movie, wrapping an arm around Behati’s shoulders. 

 

Gwen doesn’t know what makes her do it. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s asleep within a minute of his head hitting the pillow on her lap. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s comfortable enough with her and her family to fall asleep in front of everyone. maybe it’s that scruff on his face or the way he tucks his hands a little under her thighs. Maybe it’s all of those things, but she does it anyways even though she doesn’t know. She runs the tips of her nails across his scalp. He makes a small whining noise and arches up into it even as he sleeps, and so she keeps doing it, alternating her fingertips and her nails, running her fingers up and down through his scalp. He’s making a low rumbling noise under his breath unconsciously, and she can’t help but grin at him. God, but sometimes he’s adorable. She loves him like this—all mussed hair and crows feet and tired scruff and slightly open mouth—just as much as she does when he’s dressed up for an awards show. 

 

Zuma’s infectious giggle breaks the romantic mood she’s in. She looks up, figuring its probably a funny part in the movie, and finds her middle child staring at her and Blake, practically collapsing on the floor from laughter. She tenses, immediately starting to move her hand away (and Blake’s brow furrows in his sleep; he’s usually a light sleeper so the fact that Zuma’s giggle didn't wake him says mountains about how tired he is), but Zuma scrambles off the mountain of pillows the six kids have set up on the floor and goes over to them. 

 

“ Look at his hair mama!” Zuma said, pointing and giggling. She takes the time to look down at her boyfriend now, and can’t help but laugh. Because his hair is sticking up every which way, in curly spikes all around his hair. It’s a combination of the leftover product in his hair from the morning’s interviews (she knows Amanda goes through the stuff like water around him because his hair is so unruly; that’s why he usually wears a hat outside of tapings and interviews) and his wild curls, and it’s hilarious. She looks over at her son, laughing hysterically, and at Adam and Behati, who are watching the scene with soft smiles, and to the rest of the kids, who are just starting to notice what’s going on, to Todd and Jen, who are sitting next to them laughing. She grins, feeling a little daring, and pulls out her phone. It’s a mix of the giddiness from the rightness of the day (she’d been to his interview and helped pick his outfit and told him he’d looked _hot_ right there in front of everyone and he’d blushed and bitten his lip before kissing her on the cheek) that makes her do it, but she pulls up her video record button and hits play. She moves her other hand to his hair, and starts to twirl it into the neat little spikes of a mohawk, the combination of his natural coarse texture and the product making it easy. Zuma practically howls with laughter, and the other kids—who’ve come over to see what’s going on—are giggling too. Then, she is and so’s everyone else and she gives his hair one last scruff (it’s totally crazy; he looks like a combination of Nintendo Bowser and an electrocuted man) before turning the viewfinder on the phone. She knows she looks giddy, with tears of laughter in her eyes and almost no makeup on, but she softly whispers to the camera.

 

“ I think he’s tired,” She can’t help but giggle a little as she finishes the message, and presses the off button. 

 

It’s Adam’s turn to practically howl with laughter when she posts the message and video to her Twitter, tagging him. **New hairdo for ur tour? #whathappenswhenyoufallasleepwithkids #hotcowboy,** is what it reads, along with a few heart emojis and a laughing face. She laughs and laughs with her kids, but they all eventually go back to the movie and finish it up. Blake’s still dead asleep when it’s over , and Gwen uses the darkness of the room as the credits roll to gently kiss Blake’s forehead awake, stroking a hand tenderly through his hair to smooth it back to some semblance of order. His eyes flutter open, and he gives her that small dimply smile she’s come to love.

 

She trundles them up to bed after they put the kids to sleep and say goodnight to everyone, and practically has to undress him herself because he’s falling asleep on his feet. She cuddles up against him the minute they’re both under the covers, and they’re both asleep within seconds. 

 

He doesn’t discover the Tweet until the next morning, when he’s sitting at her dinette table drinking a coffee out of his favorite mug. He’s still a bit bleary eyes and sleep heavy, and so he _oofs_ in surprise when Zuma runs up to him and throws his arms around him good morning. He beams and hugs her son back as she stands in the doorway holding her youngest, and she looks over the scene with happy eyes. He loves her boys like they were his own, and she loves him for it. He ruffles Zuma’s hair and pulls his phone out of his pajama pants to check his messages; and she sees it when he eventually gets to Twitter. He blushes a rouge red and starts laughing, covering his face as his head rests on the glass tabletop. Zuma and Kingston poke around his shoulder to take his phone to see what he’s laughing at, and then her sons starts laughing, remembering the night before. That gets Gwen going, which gets Apollo going, and pretty soon the whole family is laughing. 

 

Blake, still laughing, grabs Zuma and starts ruffling his hair madly, telling him, “ Wanna see messy hair? This was your idea wasn’t it?” In a teasing tone. Zuma shrieks and tries to tickle Blake, and pretty soon Zuma’s ruffling Blake’s hair, and they both have that crazy electrocution hair again. Zuma hugs Blake after their laughter dies down, and Blake hugs him back, whispering in his ear something that Gwen can’t hear. Zuma smiles and nods, so Blake pulls out his phone and snaps a selfie of them while making funny faces, all silly crazy hair and wild smiles. He looks to Gwen and then to his phone questioningly, and she hesitates only a split second, and she knows what he's asking. Even though she doesn’t like to post about her kids too much, she can see how precious this bonding time is between the two of them and how _much_ Blake wanted to share it, so she nodded once with a soft smile, and he beamed as he tweeted the picture, tagging her in it (When she reads it later, she sees that it’s their picture and the message **Crazy hair buddies** in reply to her tweet. She sends back a heart emoji and a kiss emoji and that’s was all, and she enjoyed Blake’s beaming smile the rest of the day).


	5. Blake loves kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one where the chapter got away from me, and ended with a bit of wish fulfillment.

She can pinpoint the exact timeframe when she realizes how much Blake loves children. It’s not one day on the calendar but is instead a process, based on something she does that unintentionally hurts him and a series of interactions until she realizes how much kids mean to him.

 

The fact that she unintentionally hurt his feelings, even though she didn’t know it at the time and wouldn’t have found out unless Adam hadn’t told her (with protective eyes and a somewhat belligerent disposition). They’d been at the BuzzFeed interview for Season 7, and they hadn’t known each other that long. They gravitated towards each other, though, like there was this invisible magnetic string forcing them together. He made her laugh harder than she had in a long time, and she thought she might have made him smile more (and made those weary sad blue eyes brighten a little bit). Although they’d never spent time with one another outside of the Voice, they got along like white on rice on set and could often be found talking to each other or texting each other during the shows. 

 

At the interview, they asked a bunch of questions (some stupid, some not, but Gwen answered them all because interviewers always asked the occasional stupid question) and eventually asked Gwen about her kids. She’d responded by describing them a little bit, and then the interviewer had asked her who of the other three coaches she’d most trust to babysit her kids. She’d laughed because the question was kind of ridiculous, and decided to make a joke out of it (because to be honest she’d trust any of them; these boys had become such dear friends of hers so fast). She’d said she wouldn’t trust Blake because ‘he’d always be drunk when he had them’ and she’d gotten a laugh from all of them (and hadn’t noticed the difference in cadence to their laughter; she’d just gotten them to laugh and that was good enough for her). She’d thhen the interview was over, Gwen stood up and unclipped her microphone, hopping down from her chair and smiling at the interviewer in thanks. She looked over to Blake to find out what he was doing this afternoon between the break in interviews (because maybe he’d want to go grab some Starbucks and a sandwich with her, they could bring Adam too), but she found him practically speed walking out of the room, his hands in his pockets. She turned to Adam then, about to ask him what was wrong with Blake (because Adam and Blake were close like the dearest of brothers, and Adam knew Blake the best out of any of them) and found Adam practically glaring at Gwen with his arms crossed. Her eyes widened and she gave him a half hearted smile (because she didn’t do anything) and his glare intensified before he went after Blake out of the room. Gwen shot Pharell a puzzled look (the man had shrugged and picked up his water bottle off of the floor), and she’d stared after them.

 

Once she had her stuff and was back in her car, she’d texted Blake and Adam. _Quick sandwich and coffee before next interview??_ A few seconds later, her phone had buzzed from Adam.

 

 **Cant. We r busy.** She furrowed her brow. She texted back.

 

 _Blake told me he had nothing going on after this before next interview? Everything ok?_ She texted. She got one back from Adam.

 

 **Well now he’s busy.** She huffed, sticking one hand in her pocket. Adam got like this sometimes, sometimes got a little maudlin and a little irritable, but this was different because it involved Blake. It didn’t seem to start until after the interview, and she had no idea what it was. She stared at her phone for a couple of minutes before shrugging and deciding to let the men work it out. She wasn’t as close to them as they were to each other, and whatever was going on they obviously needed to deal with it alone. 

 

When she got to the next interview to have her makeup touched up and her hair done, she narrowed her eyes when she saw Adam in one of the chairs. She murmured to her hairdresser where she wanted to sit and he nodded, and she marched determinedly to the seat next to Adam and sat on it.

 

“ Hi,” She said cheerfully, deciding to feel out his mood. He scowled at her and crossed his arms, slouching down in his seat a little and saying nothing. Her small smile disappeared. “ Ok, what is it?!” She finally said, throwing up her hands. “ What’s the matter with you guys? Is everything ok back home?” Her voice was a little irritated and a little concerned, and she turned so she could fully face Adam, the things her hairdresser needed to do forgotten. Adam shook his head, and Gwen pursed her lips. She touched him on the arm. “ Adam, please tell me. You all are acting so weird,” Her voice was soft and pleading, and Adam stared at her for a moment before turning to the two hairdressers, who were standing away from them with wide eyes.

 

“ Guys, can you give us five minutes?” Adam asked. The two of them nodded and left the room, shutting the door behind them. They both almost simultaneously crossed their arms, and Gwen fidgeted her foot back and forth with her crossed legs. Adam huffed; it was obvious he was trying to think about what to say next. “ Y…” He started, and huffed again. Gwen tilted her head at him in question, “ You hurt his feelings you know,” The words came out a little bitter and defensive, and Gwen’s brow furrowed. 

 

“ What?” She said, totally puzzled. Adam’s eyes narrowed and he repeated the words more firmly.

 

“ Blake’s. You hurt his feelings.” Gwen narrowed her eyes, baffled.

 

“ When?” She asked softly. Adam looked somewhere over her shoulder.

 

“ The crack about the kids,” Adam said softly. Gwen tilted her head at him in question. He scoffed.

“ When you said that he couldn’t babysit your kids because he’d be drunk.” Gwen’s eyes widened.

 

“ What? B…But it was a joke, he knew that, he laughed,” Gwen said, her voice going a little high.  Adam shook his head in disbelief, laughing a little bitterly. 

 

“ He laughed his fake laugh. The one that covers up how hurt he is,” Adam said, seeming shocked that she didn’t know this about Blake. Gwen swallowed, trailing her eyes around the room and thinking.

 

“ God Adam i’m sorry. I really didn’t know I would have… but, it was a joke, Adam, I don't understand how or why,” Gwen said a little desperately. All the anger seemed to leech out of him then, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. Gwen scooted her chair closer to Adam and touched him on the arm. “ I just wanna, like, understand.” Adam looked at her.

 

“ He’s always wanted kids. ’S long as I’ve known him he has,” Adam said softly, and Gwen nodded. “ You haven’t met Miranda yet, have you?” Adam asked, and Gwen shook her head. Blake’s wife had been either on tour or in Tishomingo at their house, and he’d always gone to her. “ She…. well i’m not gonna say to much but she’s not very gung-ho about the whole idea of kids. I’ve watched them fight about it.” Gwen nods, still not quite understanding. “She….she basically says the exact thing you did, that he drinks too much and parties too much and that he wouldn’t be very nurturing,” Gwen’s heart hurts a little as her eyes widen. “ I.. I don’t even think she realizes that he only drinks that much when he’s with her and that he loves ‘em that much. I think that she says that because she doesn’t want them and doesn’t want the whole thing to be pinned on her.” Gwen tuts, swallowing against an empathetic lump in her throat.

 

“ That’s so sad, “ Gwen said softly, looking off into the distance. She turned to look at Adam again. 

“ Their marriage isn’t good, is it?” She asked Adam softly. Adam looked at her as if debating what to tell her, and then shook his head slowly.

 

“ Between you and me, she’s no good for him. Blake’s…. sensitive and gentle It’s not manly or whatever the hell it is but it’s true. He’s actually really shy, but she wants him to be this frat boy so he is,” Adam says, and Gwen nods. She hadn’t seen too much of the frat boy (but had read his Twitter) but totally saw the gentleness. The sensitivity she hadn’t seen yet, but she hadn’t know him that long.  She smiled softly at Adam, her eyes a little teary.

 

“ You really care about him, don’t you?” She asked softly, and Adam nodded, blushing a little.

 

“ He’s my best friend,” Adam said softly, and Gwen nodded. This side of Adam, this sensitive quiet side, was one she hadn’t seen before but she liked. 

 

“ Can I go apologize to him?” Gwen said, and Adam hesitated. 

 

“ He didn’t really want me to tell you at all, but you’re kinda stubborn, “ Adam teased gently, and Gwen giggled a little. She was very stubborn. She got serious then and looked Adam in the eye.

 

“ Look, I want to, please,” Gwen said pleadingly, and Adam hesitated for another second before nodding softly. 

 

“ He’s in the green room,” Adam said softly, and Gwen nodded, standing up.

 

“ Tell Henry i’ll be back in a few minutes ok?” Gwen said, and Adam nodded. She started to walk away then, but went back to Adam and pulled him into a hug. “ Thanks, and i’m sorry I hurt him,” Gwen said into his shoulder, and she felt Adam smile into her hair.

 

“ I know, now go tell him,” Adam said. Gwen nodded again and walked out the door, bypassing the hairdressers who were trying to get her attention without a word. She walked down the hall to the green room and slowly stood in the open doorframe, knocking on it a few times. Blake was the only one in there, and he was sitting on the couch, on his phone. He looked up the minute he saw her, and for a split second his eyes showed total hurt pain before he gave her a smile that had no dimples in it.

 

“Hi Gwen, what’s up? You ready?” He said nonchalantly, still with that same fake smile on his face. Gwen pursed her lips and felt her eyes fill a little. She closed the door behind her and came to sit near him on the couch. 

 

“ I’m sorry,” She said softly, touching him on the arm the same way she had Adam. He laughed a little (again a fake one, she could tell even though she hadn’t know him that long. His real laughs were booming and took over his whole body, whereas this one was soft and was barely in his throat). 

 

“ For what?” He said innocently. She rubbed her hand up and down his arm a little. He stared down at his phone still, the only indication that he’d heard her the fact that his hands were clenched around it tightly, his knuckles white.

 

“ The comment about the kids,” She said, trying to look him in the eye. Under her hand, she felt him stiffen, and she saw more than felt the blush make its way through his neck and onto his face. He broke away from her arm to cover his face with his hands to hide it.

 

“ God i’m gonna kill him,” He groaned, his shoulders slumping resignedly. She tilted her head slightly and put her hand on his shoulder this time, gently squeezing the top of it. 

 

“ No don’t kill him, i’m glad he told me. Blake…” She broke off, “ I didn’t mean to hurt you, “ She punctuated her words with another squeeze to his shoulder. He shook his head.

 

“ You didn’t Gwen it’s fine,” He said quietly with no conviction. Gwen tapped him on the shoulder until he looked at her, his blue eyes oh so bright. She gave him a soft look.

 

“ Yes, I did. I’m sorry,” She said with conviction. He stared into her eyes for a few moments (and it’s like they stared right into her soul and she felt a tingle go up her spine and she almost shivered) before nodding a couple of times.

 

“ Thank you. It’s ok,” He murmured lowly, his drawl thick. His phone buzzed then, and he glanced down at it again, breaking away from her gaze.

 

“ We need to get into hair and makeup if they gonna start on time, “ Blake said softly, and Gwen nodded. He stood then, and held out a hand for Gwen to help her up (and oh god he was a gentleman too,; she felt that tingle up her spine again). He stood looking at her for a moment and fidgeted. Gwen looked at him up and down, and nudged his shoe with the toe of her heel.

 

“ Say it,” Gwen said. She knew he wanted to say something, she could just tell, but she didn’t know what. He blushed then and stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking at the floor.

 

“ C..can I hug you?” He blurted out, biting his lip and blushing into his dimples again. Her face broke out into a smile, and she nodded.

 

“ Of course Blake,” She said, and no sooner had she said the words then he was wrapping his arms around her. She’d heard about Blake’s bear hugs (Adam had joked that Blake gave the best hugs and Gwen had laughed like it was a joke but god Adam was right), and she wrapped her arms around his back. The hug went on for longer than a hug between two friends probably should, but he felt so comfortable and so warm and so nice (and she hadn’t been hugged by a man in oh so long) that she couldn’t break away. his chin rested on the top of her head, and she tucked her face into his shoulder a little, sighing.

 

“ Can I tell you somethin’?” Blake suddenly murmured lowly, almost non-audibly, into the room. Gwen nodded into his shoulder.

 

“ Course. Anything,” She said softly. She felt him take a deep breath, and his hands squeezed her a little more tightly. 

 

“ Miranda… she had an abortion,” Blake’s words were full of heartbreak, and Gwen’s mouth fell open against his shoulder. She swallowed another lump in her throat, and she couldn't help it; her hands run up his back a little, her nails scratching lightly, and she felt him sigh deeply, arching back into her touch.

 

“ When?” She whispered into his jacket. She felt him swallow.

 

“ Last month. She didn’t even ask me about it, just did it,” Blake’s words catch, and she feels him swallow again. Gwen rubbed his back a little, and Blake let out a shaky sigh into her hair. 

 

“ I’m so sorry Blake,” she said. Blake’s jaw set; she could feel it against her hair again.

 

“ No one knows that,” Blake said, and she felt his face move as he looked off to the other side of the room, “ and It’s not that i’m against abortion i’m not gonna go into that it’s just that was my….” His voice broke, and she ran her fingers up the back of his neck. He shuddered a little, and that was the end of their conversation. She just ran her fingers up and down his back and up to his neck, and he squeezed her to him like he was drawing strength from her. 

 

It’s only when their phones both buzzed that they broke away, and Gwen glanced at hers purposefully while out of the corner of her eye she saw Blake rub a hand over his eyes quickly. She motioned with her head out the door when he had pulled himself together, and he gave her a grateful look as he opened the door for her. She smiled at him and they walked to the interview. 

 

************************************************************************************

 

Gwen doesn’t think about the kid thing consciously for a month, but during the top ten live show Gwen’s kids come to the set, all three of them. Gavin is at a meeting and Mindy is sick, and so she is forced to bring her kids to the taping, finding a temporary babysitter to watch them while she’s taping but watching them herself otherwise. Out of the corner of her eye, during a performance, she sees Susan (the temporary babysitter) take Apollo out of the auditorium and into the hall, and if she strains her ears she can hear him crying even though the mics aren’t picking it up. As soon as the stage manager calls commercial she’s up and going out into the hall, where her baby is screaming bloody murder as the babysitter nervously tries to calm him (this was why Gwen was only letting her watch them during the taping, because although Sarah was sweet she was a little young and a little too nervous for her to trust the twenty two year old with them for long). Gwen holds out her arms and Sarah gives the baby to her gratefully. Gwen bounces them up and down, toeing off her heels to walk barefoot up and down the hallway and try to calm her son down. 

 

Apollo isn’t having it though; and even though Gwen grabs a bottle from the diaper bag on Sara’s shoulder and his pacifier he doesn’t seem to want either one; even though she checks him he doesn’t need changing. Just then, just as Gwen is getting a little desperate wondering what’s the matter with her baby, Zuma and Kingston come charging up to them.

 

“Moomm! I really have to pee and I dun know where the bathroom is!” Kingston says a little whiney, and Zuma echoes his sentiment. Gwen nods and motions for Sarah to take them. As soon as Sarah is out of sight, though, Gwen’s wardrobe person comes up to her.

 

“ Gwen you have a costume change remember for the performance, you need to get ready,” He says, looking at his watch. Gwen grimaces; she’d completely forgotten. Just then, though, she hears Blake’s slightly heavy tread and he comes up to her with a concerned look.

 

“ Everythin’ ok?” He asks. She looks down the hall and to her wardrobe person (who looks like he’s about to have an aneurysm) and to the baby, and at her watch. She hate hate hates inconveniencing people, but it looks like she might not have a choice. But then she sees Blake watching the baby. He’s unconsciously making little faces at him to try to get him to stop crying, and his eyes are tender. His hands clench in his pockets a little, like he’s obviously trying to keep from reaching for the little boy. Gwen bites the side of her cheek and makes a split second decision; deciding to go with her trust.

 

“ Will you hold him until Sarah gets back from the bathroom?” She said, and Blake’s eyes widened. He had a hopeful expression on his face, but also looked nervous. She smiled at him reassuringly and he beamed then, a huge dimpled smile on his face. 

 

“ Sure,” He said proudly, holding out his arms. Gwen handed him the crying baby (she felt so bad for inflicting a crying baby on Blake but she couldn’t get him to stop. Gwen set the baby in his arms, and Blake immediately held him properly, bouncing him a little on his hip. Gwen’s eyes practically fell out of their sockets as his hand rubbed up and down the baby’s back, and Apollo’s sobs drifted off into soft sniffles. Blake beamed at her again and softly touched the back of the baby’s head, still bouncing a little. He looked so gentle with the small child, so like he was meant to have one, that Gwen couldn't help but smile back. She looked at her watch again before stepping up to Blake and the baby, leaning in to softly kiss Apollo’s cheek (and the fact that it put her in close proximity with Blake’s scent; a pine wood scent that Gwen couldn’t get enough of, well that was just coincidence) and nuzzled it a little.

 

“ Bye baby,” She cooed to the infant, and smiled up at Blake before doing something impulsive, leaning up and kissing his cheek. He stiffened and then got a soft smile on his face that he’d never seen before, and he shooed her away in the next second, murmuring words she couldn’t hear to the baby as Gwen walked away. 

 

Twenty minutes later, she was finally ready, and she made her way back to the hallway to look for her son. Not seeing him, she figured Sarah had come back and taken him, so she went over to the staging area by the judges chairs, and stopped dead. Because Blake was sitting in his chair with her son balanced on his lap. Apollo was chewing the corner of Blake’s cell phone (Blake’s precious cell phone that he never went a moment without) case, and Blake was cooing softly to the baby, that soft smile on his face again. He took the phone away and let Apollo wrap his chubby fingers around one of Blake’s, and grinned when Apollo stuck the finger in his mouth. Gwen saw him tickle her son then a little, beaming like he’d won the lottery when Apollo giggled. As Gwen walked towards them, Blake none the wiser, she saw Apollo’s diaper bag on the side of Blake’s chair, and noticed that Apollo’s pants had been changed.

 

Her heels finally made enough noise near to him that he looked up, and he half beamed, his expression a little sheepish as he blushed. She raised her eyebrows with a huge grin on her face. 

 

“ Where’s Sarah?” She asked, smiling wide at her son when he recognized her and playing with the little baby hand Blake wasn’t holding.

 

“ She looked a lil’ nervous with just the two so I said I’d watch the little dude ’til tapin’ starts,” He said softly, looking down at the baby and bouncing his knee a little. Apollo giggled again, and Blake laughed under his breath, tightening his hold around the baby’s waist. She raised her eyebrows while still smiling.

 

“ You changed him?” Blake blushed again and shrugged.

 

“ Well, he needed it. I don’t mind,” Blake said softly, and tickled the sides of the baby’s stomach, laughing at the baby’s giggle again. Apollo turned his head to look at the country star then, and Blake’s hands went around his waist to support him (Gwen didn’t reach for her son, not yet, because this was one of the sweetest things she’d ever seen and she didn’t want to take this tender moment away from Blake, not when he looked happier than she’d ever seen him, and so she let it play out. In the back of her mind, she thought about the fact that Gavin didn’t seem to want to bond with his youngest son at all; he’d hold him sure but Apollo always looked vaguely unsettled, nothing like the comforted and giddy expression he wore here with Blake). Apollo made grabby hands for Blake then, and Blake smiled before leaning in to kiss the baby cheek with a wet raspberry. Apollo laughed wide (somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that people in the audience were _awwing_ and taking pictures and Adam and Pharell were looking at them but she didn’t care), and Blake mouthed at his fingers, making Apollo laugh more. 

 

Just then, the stage manager called places, and Blake’s expression fell. Sarah came up by Blake’s chair then, and Blake reluctantly gave her Apollo, but not before kissing his fingers again and running a hand along his back when he was lifted. He seemed to notice Gwen was there again then, because he blushed a deep crimson and fidgeted. Gwen grinned at him then, stepping right in front of his chair and forcing him to look up at her. They made eye contact for a few seconds, and she tilted her head at him, crossing her arms.

 

“ You do realize you’re, like, in my good books forever now right?” She teased, and Blake flushed deeper. He arched an eyebrow a few moments later, seeming to pull himself together.

 

“ Yeah?” He said, and the word was full of so many emotions she couldn’t name. She leaned her hand forward then, running it along his arm as she passed back to her chair. 

 

“ Yeah.”

*********************************************************************************

 

It’s too early when she wakes up. The sun is just rising over the crest of the hills, the light barely peeking through her curtains. She stretches and yawns, reaching for Blake, wondering what woke her up. That’s when she encounters cold sheets, and she sits up, furrowing her brow. Where is he? Their Valentines Day plans hadn’t exactly gone as scheduled (because Gavin had called at nine that night just as Blake was peeling the long red dress that she’d worn to Jimmy’s wedding off of her body while covering her mouth with kisses and Gwen had almost not answered it; she’d come so close. But, when it had rang three times in a row, Blake had made a frustrated sound into her mouth before resting his head in her breast and telling her to answer it. She’d reached over and answered the phone, and been glad she had, because it had been Gavin. Apollo had a fever and an ear infection, and after arguing with him on the phone for fifteen minutes about whether he should deal with it himself (he was Apollo’s father, after all, and even though he was good at it sometimes it was times like this when he wasn’t) and eventually they’d just gone to get him (Blake had been oh so understanding but she was still disappointed about ruining their perfect evening, and they’d blown out the dozens of caramel candles Blake had set up around the room). They’d gone to get her two year old and she’d had Blake help her put the ear drops in his ear as her son screamed, and both of them had expression of pain on their faces as they saw the little boy cry. Eventually, he’d settled down enough to sleep, and Gwen and Blake had practically collapsed onto the bed after changing into pajamas, Gwen barely coherent enough to take off her makeup and Blake making those snuffling noises that meant he was exhausted.

 

They’d gone to bed only four hours before, so that was why it was odd that Blake was up (he loved to sleep as much as she did; and they’d frequently sleep in until ten or eleven when they could and when she didn’t have the kids; she adored the feeling of waking up in his arms and seeing him sleep ruffled and curly haired). Yawning again, she decided to get up and search for her boyfriend after she checked up on Apollo to see how he was feeling (she hadn’t heard anything from the baby monitor and so she figured he was fine but she worried like any mother would and wanted to make sure).

 

When she got to Apollo’s door that she’d shut the night before, it was open. She furrowed her brow, stepping into the room. What she saw made her stop cold, her face breaking out into a smile. Because Blake was sitting in the rocking chair in the toddler’s room, and he had Apollo in his arms almost fast asleep. She watched, unseen by Blake or Apollo, as Blake gently moved aside apollos hair to put his ear drops into each ear, and Apollo silently let him, snuggling into his chest. He rocked them back and forth, back and forth, and he quietly whispered to the toddler as he let the medication sink in.

 

She watched them for a few moments, until she realized that he was singing softly to her son, a low soothing old country song that Gwen didn’t recognize the name of but that she’d heard before. She watched as her son’s eyes drooped and he tightened his little hands around Blake’s neck, watched as Blake (in a rumpled white t-shirt and plaid pajama buttoms, scruff on his face and crazy curls) kissed her kids forehead gently. 

 

At that moment, Blake looked up and saw her, and he beamed while putting a hand over his mouth in the _shhh_ gesture. Gwen nodded, and she came over to feel her sons forehead. It was cool, thank god, and she ran a hand through the toddler’s hair. Apollo sighed in Blake’s rocking arms, and Gwen saw Blake stare down at him with one of the happiest expressions she’d ever seen out of him. 

 

She leaned down then further to kiss her boyfriend’s forehead and run a hand through his hair, and her beamed at her again before softly standing up to put Apollo back to bed. They stood together, holding hands, watching her son. They had a busy day today, from the Grammys get ready to Gwen’s performance, but they could take this time to stand and watch the little boy both of them were so in love with. Blake was looking at her, she could tell, and so she turned to look up at him, gazing at him with lovestruck eyes (because that’s what she was, lovestruck. She was saved and lovestruck and had found the truth and thanked god for him every day). He bit his lip then, staring down at her in that heart emoji way he had, and he’d motioned with his head out of the room, pulling her along. She furrowed her brow but nodded, making sure to turn on Apollo’s intercom that was patched in to her phone to be able to hear if he was being disturbed again. 

 

He led her to the kitchen, and broke away form her hand to go to another room while telling her to stay there softly. She shrugged but obeyed, and started to think about what they might want for breakfast. She was just putting the tea kettle on and the coffee pot was set to go when he came back, wrapping his arms around her waist where she was at the sink.

 

“ Y’know, I never gave you your Valentine’s day present,” He murmured into her neck. She furrowed her brow.

“ Thought we said we weren’t gonna do that?” She murmured back, because they had agreed. Neither one of them really needed things, and the evening had been enough (well, what there was of it, she’d missed out on some frankly fabulous sex with some lingerie that had cost her almost $1000, and he hadn’t even gotten to enjoy it; he’d seen her that night in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of boy shorts). She turned to look at him, and he blushed again, shrugging a little.

 

“ I changed my mind, “ He said simply, and she grinned at him. 

 

“ Okayyy…..” She said, expectant and puzzled. His grin disappeared to be replaced by that soft, slow smile that he gave her, and he trailed his eyes up and down her body. 

 

“ Y’know what my plan was for last night?” He asked her, and she bit her lip and shook her head. “ I was gonna make love to you until you couldn’t see straight” He kissed her neck, and she whimpered a little, arching into it, “ I was gonna make you come over and over again,” He kissed the other side, and she was spellbound, “ ‘till all you could think about was me. Then I was gonna run you a bath and wash your hair, and then was going to feed you your favorite chocolate cake before spooning you in your bed.” The picture leaves her breathless, and she arches back against him.

 

“That,” she murmurs, “ sounds wonderful.” She tilted her head to give him a gentle kiss. She murmurs against his lips, “ Rain check?” He laughs a little and nods, and she grins into his mouth.

 

He clears his throat, “ But  I loved last night too, because even Apollo was sick I got to spend a lot of time with him, and I love your son, I love all of them, so much,” He said, his voice full of emotion, and it made her eyes fill. She nuzzles his nose into hers.

 

“They love you too,” She says, and he beams again. He clears his throat again.

 

“ And… I wanna be around you forever; I wanna be around them forever. “ Gwen’s smile fades a little and she stares up at him with wide eyes, moving so she could see his face. He’s looking right in her eyes, and she’s mesmerized by the bright blue. “You can plan the perfect moment ,but sometimes things are just right, ya know?” She nods, still a little shocked, because she thinks she might know what might be coming but she can’t even believe it. “ But Gwen you’ve never looked more beautiful than right now. This is the way I wanna see you for the rest’a my life, if you’ll let me. I know that last year, you had a really bad time today and tomorrow, but I wanna try to make it good in your memory from now on,” He reaches into the pocket of his pajama pants and pulls out a box from Harry Winston. “ I, uh, “ He fidgets a little, his hands shaking with the box, “ Talked to yer parents two weeks ago about this, and your brother last week.” Gwen feels a couple tears run down her face. “Gwen Rene Stefani, will you marry me?” She stares at him and then at the ring. It’s gorgeous; exactly what she would have picked out for herself. Gorgeous and large without being too gaudy, with a beautiful sapphire surrounded by diamonds; it’s perfect. She’s nervous, so nervous, because they’ve only been dating six months. But it also feels oh so right. She thinks about marrying him and eventually retiring in Tishomingo with her kids and his ranch, and she thinks about her kids growing up with a good Southern background in addition to what they’re growing up with now, and she thinks about wearing a wedding ring and thanking her husband at awards shows and seeing that dimply grin whenever she wants. 

 

She smiles widely at him; noticing how he’s so nervous he’s practically sweating, his hands still shaking. She takes the ring out of the box then, taking the box from him and throwing it off to the side. 

 

“ Put the ring on me cowboy,” She says to him, and he laughs wildly, his eyes damp as he does just that. It’s a perfect fit, and he virtually crushes her to his chest, kissing the breath out of her while feeling the ring on her finger with his hand. She kisses back as good as she gets, and she tastes her tears and his as she smiles into the kiss. 

 

 

They enjoy bliss for a few minutes, simply making out and Gwen getting used to the feeling of a ring on her finger again, before Blake happens to catch a load of the time on the microwave. He groans into the kiss, taking his hand out of her t-shirt. 

 

“ We gotta get going, babygirl,” He says, resigned. She wrenches her eyes open and licks into his mouth as her eyes go to the microwave, and she groans in the same way he did but nods. She reaches down into his pocket (he grins and his eyes sparkle) and she opens his phone, going to the picture app. 

 

“Selfie time for Twitter,” She says firmly, and he laughs at her. His hands go around her waist, and she leans against his chest as she fiddles with the phone.

 

“ Our publicists gonna kill us,” Blake says, but he still seems into the idea. Gwen shrugs (because at this point she didn’t care what anyone thought and to be honest the feeling was pretty liberating). Blake looks at her for a moment. “ Wanna do a video instead?” Blake asks, looking down at her. Gwen pretends to be horrified, deciding to tease him.

 

“ Blake Tollison Shelton I am not putting a sex tape on Twitter,” She teases, hitting him softly in the chest, and he laughs that booming laugh, low and deep, the one that takes up his whole face. He shakes his head into his laughter and as soon as he gets composure takes her hand, positioning the camera so that both of them could be seen through the viewfinder. He kisses her cheek a few times and then moves down to her wrist, kissing over it and then onto the back of her hand before kissing all around the ring on her finger. It’s obvious what it is, and it’s obviously visible in the video, and Gwen knows she’ blushing and she’s staring at him with heart eyes, but she can’t help it. He posts the video to Twitter with the caption, **Sometimes the unexpected things are the best things, thank god** and tags her, and she responds with a picture of a ring and a wedding dress and a kiss emoji. 

 

They don’t have long after the video before the press gets wind of it and they start getting calls, and Apollo will need waking and bathing and changing, they’ll have Grammy awards to get to and music videos to shoot. But for now, it’s just the two of them in her kitchen. It’s not roses and caramel candles, expensive dinners or chocolates, but its her in boy shorts and a t-shirt, hair a little greasy. It’s him with messed up curls and tired eyes. It’s her with no makeup and him with slightly smelly morning breath. It’s them, and it couldn’t be more perfect.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://www.harrywinston.com/en/cushion-cut-sapphire-micropavé-ring a picture of the ring, btw. I know very little about jewelry so is this fancy lol? Looks to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment. It makes me sad when people don’t comment. Look for the other chapters soon, because I love writing me some sensitive!Blake. Also, does anyone else have those music moments with the tingles down their spine and the tears? Because so totally me.


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